put down the tablet; back away from the photoshop.

[I've moved over from LJ but I want to keep all my Nat'l Blog Posting Month posts together, so I'm reposting them here. Originally posted Nov. 7, 2007, at 5:59PM.]

This is possibly one of the scariest things ever:

Fug the Cover: Julia Roberts

I do like the red of the rose and the red of the font against the overall paleness. But everything else about the cover is all kinds of unsettling, and isn't it ironic that this issue features a "special report on art"?

I don't think the writer's comment quite expresses the level of "AAUGH!!" I feel when I look at it. The crazy angle of her head aside, IT LOOKS LIKE HER HEAD WAS PASTED ONTO SOMEONE ELSE'S BODY AND WILL FLOAT AWAY. It's true that this is not at all unusual in Hollywood...or Hollywood-based porn, really. Still, I'm sure she has a nice enough body that it didn't need to be faded/softened/lightened so that it'd disappear into the background.

If you can get past that bit of editing, your eyes will naturally be drawn (as in all J. Roberts photos) to her gonzo mouth. Then you'll think, okay that rose has -- for some strange reason -- been PHOTOSHOPPED BETWEEN HER TEETH.

Then you'll realize -- ohhhh. It's so they could more easily photoshop a Longfellow quote on to the stem of the rose. Uh huh, yeah. Makes sense. But you know, a flower stem is only so long, so they couldn't quite fit the whole shebang.

It's actually a sweet poem and fitting for an issue about art, so here it is in its entirety:

"Art is the child of Nature; yes,
Her darling child, in whom we trace
The features of the mother's face,
Her aspect and her attitude."
[Henry Wadsworth Longfellow (1807-1882), "Keramos."]

---

Carla:
i don't want to stare at her teeth ever
she has scary teeth
it's like they are sentient
Kat:
yeah, i know
i think her real teeth are aware of this egregious photoshopping slight
and they're coming to get the editor
Carla:
the last thing s/he'll hear is "graaag chomp chomp chomp chatter chomp"